COX PLAYS DIRTY
After spoofing Britney Spears in the very first episode of Dirt, Courtney Cox started getting jittery about a potential lawsuit coming as she took the spoof and the character too far. As a counter measure, she yesterday released the following statement:-
Cox wants to spoof Spears in 'Dirt'
Tuesday, December 4 2007, 16:35 GMT
By Kimberley Dadds
Courtney Cox wants to use Britney Spears' troubled life for a storyline in the second series of her US show Dirt.
The Friends actress will spoof the singer's problems in the celebrity magazine-based show, although Spears will not appear in the programme herself.
A source told Star magazine: "Courteney can’t wait to give the Britney character a major smack-down on camera.
"Being a parent herself, Courteney is disheartened by the way Britney has treated her own kids."
She will now be re-spoofing the Famous singer but will now be making sure not to take it too far as she did with the last one which she called Julia Mallory, and stick to more factual and closer comparisons.
Courtney Cox hopes the limited intelligence of viewers will have failed recognise the original spoof.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Friday, August 10, 2007
10th August 2007
"This is Carly Underwood reporting live for the BBC. We are here at the scene of helicopter crash in Yorkshire which has gone unreported for two days. The RAF have begun an investigation into the cause of the Puma helicopter which crashed on Wednesday and left five people dead, and more importantly why the response had taken so long.
The aircraft was part of 43 Squadron, RAF Rodgers and a board of inquiry will be investigating the crash. The delay in finding out about this crashed has no doubt led to loss of life and with prompt response this tragedy could have been avoided.....wait, there is someone approaching. Let's see if we can grab a quick word......Excuse me Sir, BBC, can we have a quick word?"
"Is this about the helicopter?"
"Yes sir it is. What is your name?"
"Steve Richardson"
"Thanks for speaking to us Steve. What exactly is your connection to this steve?"
"We were out here for a walk Wednesday night and watched this helicopter quite rapidly go straight up into the air and it didn't sound right. It sounded like the engine was misfiring or something - it was making a hell of a racket"
"it was making a racket? You saw this?"
"Yeah, it was like buh buh....buh..buh.....buh buh...buh. This helicopter went onto its side and then shot off. I didn't think anything about it after that, just thought it was doing army manoevers or something"
The aircraft was part of 43 Squadron, RAF Rodgers and a board of inquiry will be investigating the crash. The delay in finding out about this crashed has no doubt led to loss of life and with prompt response this tragedy could have been avoided.....wait, there is someone approaching. Let's see if we can grab a quick word......Excuse me Sir, BBC, can we have a quick word?"
"Is this about the helicopter?"
"Yes sir it is. What is your name?"
"Steve Richardson"
"Thanks for speaking to us Steve. What exactly is your connection to this steve?"
"We were out here for a walk Wednesday night and watched this helicopter quite rapidly go straight up into the air and it didn't sound right. It sounded like the engine was misfiring or something - it was making a hell of a racket"
"it was making a racket? You saw this?"
"Yeah, it was like buh buh....buh..buh.....buh buh...buh. This helicopter went onto its side and then shot off. I didn't think anything about it after that, just thought it was doing army manoevers or something"
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
24th July 2007
The Carlos Tevez Transfer Saga
The ongoing saga of who actually owns Carlos Teves has turned yet another corner with FIFA referring the case to the highest ranking sporting governing body in the world, The Court Of Arbitration For Sports. Manchester United's manager Alex Fergusson desperately wanting to sign the West Ham striker who is locked in a ownership dispute between the club and his agent/owner Kia. For those who haven't kept up with the various ongoings, following is a dramatisation of the events.
Sir Alex Fergusson picks up the phone and dials Alan Curbishley's office.
ALEX: Alan, I want to buy Carlos Tevez off of you.
ALAN: Sure, no problem. How much?
ALEX: £15M.
ALAN: That's super. I'll get him up to the office and sort this out straight away.
ALEX: Excellent. This is the smoothest transfer I've ever had to deal with.
------later-----
TEVEZ: So Alan, Kia tells me there's some transfer papers to sign?
ALAN: Yeagh, just waiting for it get here. Should be any second now.
There's a knock on the door and Sally walks in holding some papers.
SALLY: Here they are, Kia's just sent them over.
Tevez signs it and hands it over to Alan who reads it before signing.
ALAN: Whoa! What's this? All the transfer fee is to go to Kia? He says he owns you? Fuck that for a game of cards.
Alan phones Alex up.
ALAN: Alex. Kia says he owns Tevez. I can't sign these papers. This needs to be sorted out.
ALEX: Yeagh, I've just been on the phone with Kia. We're sorting it out now.
ALAN: What? He's my player not Kia's. I'm not dealing with this, I'm taking this to the FA.
-----later-----
SCENE: Football Association HQ. Directors Office
PETER: Ladies and Gentlemen, Earlier today I received a request to sort out this Tevez affair. It appears that when West Ham bought him previously, the contracts weren't sorted out and ownership is still in question. Now I know that we were supposed to have sorted this out so would whoever dealt with this care to explain why this is back on my desk?
Paul sits in his chair sweating quietly.
PETER: Paul, do you have something to say?
PAUL: I... Errr.. It was too complicated.... I.... I just threw it in the bin and told West Ham it was sorted.
PETER: Good idea Paul. That's what we'll do again. We'll say it's all sorted and West Ham own him and that's that. Good work Paul, I see a promotion coming your way.
-----later at West Ham-----
ALAN: Alex, the Premier League say we own Tevez and the deal is free to go ahead and ignore Kia but Kia's threatening court action. I think we're going to have to go to the top to sort this out.
ALEX: Agreed, to FIFA it is then.
-----later-----
SCENE: FIFA HQ Reception.
RECEPTIONIST: Morning Sepp.
SEPP: Hi Jayne, Any messages this morning?
JAYNE: There's a fax from Manchester United and West Ham United in your office.
SEPP: Thanks. Is that all?
JAYNE: Yes Sir.
Sepp goes to his office and sits down at his desk and reads the fax.
SEPP: Fucking Tevez again? I'm not getting into this one.
Sepp presses the intercom button.
SEPP: Jayne, this fax, can you forward it to legal thanks.
Jayne collects the fax and takes it to Legal.
JAYNE: Hi Steve, Sepp asked me to forward this to you.
STEVE: That's not.....is it?
JAYNE: I'm afraid so.
Jayne leaves.
ROBERT: What? What is it?
STEVE: It's that f-ucking Tevez affair again.
ROBERT: The bastard's passed it onto us again?
STEVE: Looks like.
ROBERT: Well, he's not the only one who can play that game. Send it over to CAS, I can't be bothered dealing with this.
-----later-----
SCENE: Court Of Arbitration For Sport meeting room.
ROGER: I've called this emergency meeting in hopes to avoid what we've all being fearing. I have recieved word that the Carlos Tevez affair is making its way up the ranks. FIFA currently have the case and as you all know, being the highest authority in world sports, if it reaches here we have no other organisation to pass it on to and we have to resolve the matter ourselves. Now Paula, has Code Red been implemented yet?
PAULA: Yes Sir. The fax machines have been turned off and phone lines disconnected; all doors and windows have been locked and blinds closed; all lights have been turned off; and all staff vehicles have been transferred to underground parking and sealed.
ROGER: Good. Has everyone turned off all mobiles? Get them out and double check and if not, do so now. Does anyone have any questions?
Carl slowly raises his hand.
ROGER: Yes Carl?
CARL: Ummm....... Has anyone seen the new guy Steve?
ROGER: We have a new guy?
Rogers expression turns to pure terror as though an army of N--kelfaces has just burst into the room.
ROGER: Has..... Has he been briefed on Code Red yet?
-----outside-----
A postman is knocking on the seemingly abandoned building's door.
POSTMAN: Damn, where is everyone? I was given implicit instructions to make sure someone takes delivery of these documents.
Just then the door unlocks and someone opens it.
STEVE: Hi, sorry about that, I don't know why it was locked.
POSTMAN: No wories, I'm just glad someone answered. Sign here.....
The ongoing saga of who actually owns Carlos Teves has turned yet another corner with FIFA referring the case to the highest ranking sporting governing body in the world, The Court Of Arbitration For Sports. Manchester United's manager Alex Fergusson desperately wanting to sign the West Ham striker who is locked in a ownership dispute between the club and his agent/owner Kia. For those who haven't kept up with the various ongoings, following is a dramatisation of the events.
Sir Alex Fergusson picks up the phone and dials Alan Curbishley's office.
ALEX: Alan, I want to buy Carlos Tevez off of you.
ALAN: Sure, no problem. How much?
ALEX: £15M.
ALAN: That's super. I'll get him up to the office and sort this out straight away.
ALEX: Excellent. This is the smoothest transfer I've ever had to deal with.
------later-----
TEVEZ: So Alan, Kia tells me there's some transfer papers to sign?
ALAN: Yeagh, just waiting for it get here. Should be any second now.
There's a knock on the door and Sally walks in holding some papers.
SALLY: Here they are, Kia's just sent them over.
Tevez signs it and hands it over to Alan who reads it before signing.
ALAN: Whoa! What's this? All the transfer fee is to go to Kia? He says he owns you? Fuck that for a game of cards.
Alan phones Alex up.
ALAN: Alex. Kia says he owns Tevez. I can't sign these papers. This needs to be sorted out.
ALEX: Yeagh, I've just been on the phone with Kia. We're sorting it out now.
ALAN: What? He's my player not Kia's. I'm not dealing with this, I'm taking this to the FA.
-----later-----
SCENE: Football Association HQ. Directors Office
PETER: Ladies and Gentlemen, Earlier today I received a request to sort out this Tevez affair. It appears that when West Ham bought him previously, the contracts weren't sorted out and ownership is still in question. Now I know that we were supposed to have sorted this out so would whoever dealt with this care to explain why this is back on my desk?
Paul sits in his chair sweating quietly.
PETER: Paul, do you have something to say?
PAUL: I... Errr.. It was too complicated.... I.... I just threw it in the bin and told West Ham it was sorted.
PETER: Good idea Paul. That's what we'll do again. We'll say it's all sorted and West Ham own him and that's that. Good work Paul, I see a promotion coming your way.
-----later at West Ham-----
ALAN: Alex, the Premier League say we own Tevez and the deal is free to go ahead and ignore Kia but Kia's threatening court action. I think we're going to have to go to the top to sort this out.
ALEX: Agreed, to FIFA it is then.
-----later-----
SCENE: FIFA HQ Reception.
RECEPTIONIST: Morning Sepp.
SEPP: Hi Jayne, Any messages this morning?
JAYNE: There's a fax from Manchester United and West Ham United in your office.
SEPP: Thanks. Is that all?
JAYNE: Yes Sir.
Sepp goes to his office and sits down at his desk and reads the fax.
SEPP: Fucking Tevez again? I'm not getting into this one.
Sepp presses the intercom button.
SEPP: Jayne, this fax, can you forward it to legal thanks.
Jayne collects the fax and takes it to Legal.
JAYNE: Hi Steve, Sepp asked me to forward this to you.
STEVE: That's not.....is it?
JAYNE: I'm afraid so.
Jayne leaves.
ROBERT: What? What is it?
STEVE: It's that f-ucking Tevez affair again.
ROBERT: The bastard's passed it onto us again?
STEVE: Looks like.
ROBERT: Well, he's not the only one who can play that game. Send it over to CAS, I can't be bothered dealing with this.
-----later-----
SCENE: Court Of Arbitration For Sport meeting room.
ROGER: I've called this emergency meeting in hopes to avoid what we've all being fearing. I have recieved word that the Carlos Tevez affair is making its way up the ranks. FIFA currently have the case and as you all know, being the highest authority in world sports, if it reaches here we have no other organisation to pass it on to and we have to resolve the matter ourselves. Now Paula, has Code Red been implemented yet?
PAULA: Yes Sir. The fax machines have been turned off and phone lines disconnected; all doors and windows have been locked and blinds closed; all lights have been turned off; and all staff vehicles have been transferred to underground parking and sealed.
ROGER: Good. Has everyone turned off all mobiles? Get them out and double check and if not, do so now. Does anyone have any questions?
Carl slowly raises his hand.
ROGER: Yes Carl?
CARL: Ummm....... Has anyone seen the new guy Steve?
ROGER: We have a new guy?
Rogers expression turns to pure terror as though an army of N--kelfaces has just burst into the room.
ROGER: Has..... Has he been briefed on Code Red yet?
-----outside-----
A postman is knocking on the seemingly abandoned building's door.
POSTMAN: Damn, where is everyone? I was given implicit instructions to make sure someone takes delivery of these documents.
Just then the door unlocks and someone opens it.
STEVE: Hi, sorry about that, I don't know why it was locked.
POSTMAN: No wories, I'm just glad someone answered. Sign here.....
Friday, July 20, 2007
20th July 2007
SKY DITCHES STRUGGLING SHOW
FX, now trying to show itself as a serious channel after the success of Dexter and NCIS, have decided to sign up the rights of some of the best TV shows around. Amongst it's massive aquisition spree are the likes of Family Guy, Buffy, 24, The Wire and many new series from the states. It appears however that Sky have managed to slip in the rights to Nip/Tuck while FX wasn't looking. A spokesman from Sky, Steve Redford, said "We pride ourselves on having the best and most innovative shows around. Nip/Tuck was a masive aquisition for us back when it started with its edgy storylines and shocking twists. The first three season being particularly good but like most shows it hit its heights with season 3 and hasn't recovered as witnessed by the very poor storytelling in season 4. We felt this was the right time to ditch the series but we knew it would be hard to get rid of it then FX started buying everything up and we saw an opportunity to slip it in un-noticed (that's what I said - ED) and we now have a couple of new directives set up at Sky thanks to Nip/Tuck. 1. No wanky singing in shows. and 2. No wanky future episodes."
FX, now trying to show itself as a serious channel after the success of Dexter and NCIS, have decided to sign up the rights of some of the best TV shows around. Amongst it's massive aquisition spree are the likes of Family Guy, Buffy, 24, The Wire and many new series from the states. It appears however that Sky have managed to slip in the rights to Nip/Tuck while FX wasn't looking. A spokesman from Sky, Steve Redford, said "We pride ourselves on having the best and most innovative shows around. Nip/Tuck was a masive aquisition for us back when it started with its edgy storylines and shocking twists. The first three season being particularly good but like most shows it hit its heights with season 3 and hasn't recovered as witnessed by the very poor storytelling in season 4. We felt this was the right time to ditch the series but we knew it would be hard to get rid of it then FX started buying everything up and we saw an opportunity to slip it in un-noticed (that's what I said - ED) and we now have a couple of new directives set up at Sky thanks to Nip/Tuck. 1. No wanky singing in shows. and 2. No wanky future episodes."
Friday, February 09, 2007
9th February 2007
Try A Different Job Day
Late last night in London, firefighter Richards discovered a fire breaking out in the millenium dome as he was passing. Thinking quickly he got the attention of a passing Pizza Delivery guy and bravely got him to deal with the fire. Unfortunately, Steve Collingsworth, 36, died during the blaze. An inquest has initally ruled that the main cause for his death is that he was inappropriately equipped to fight the fire having only a 500ml bottle of water instead of the required 1ltr bottle.
Also yesterday in Paris, upon spotting a water leak, the quick thinking plumber promptly phoned the butchers to come fix the leak. After 6 hours of work the only damage was 3 dead cats, 1 person with an infected foot and structural and water damage to many of the business near the leak. Steve, the plumber was later thanked by the mayor for his quick actions and it's just a shame that this happened on National Try A Different Job day and could do nothing about it himself.
And just coming in over the radio, we have news that Anna Nicole Smith has died last night. Her bodyguard could not bring her back to life with CPR after her nurse discovered her body in her hotel room.
The world national holiday council is now re-thinking about wether to have this holiday again. Unfortunately the meeting started last night and a team of flamingos are flapping over it as we speak.
Late last night in London, firefighter Richards discovered a fire breaking out in the millenium dome as he was passing. Thinking quickly he got the attention of a passing Pizza Delivery guy and bravely got him to deal with the fire. Unfortunately, Steve Collingsworth, 36, died during the blaze. An inquest has initally ruled that the main cause for his death is that he was inappropriately equipped to fight the fire having only a 500ml bottle of water instead of the required 1ltr bottle.
Also yesterday in Paris, upon spotting a water leak, the quick thinking plumber promptly phoned the butchers to come fix the leak. After 6 hours of work the only damage was 3 dead cats, 1 person with an infected foot and structural and water damage to many of the business near the leak. Steve, the plumber was later thanked by the mayor for his quick actions and it's just a shame that this happened on National Try A Different Job day and could do nothing about it himself.
And just coming in over the radio, we have news that Anna Nicole Smith has died last night. Her bodyguard could not bring her back to life with CPR after her nurse discovered her body in her hotel room.
The world national holiday council is now re-thinking about wether to have this holiday again. Unfortunately the meeting started last night and a team of flamingos are flapping over it as we speak.
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