22nd July 2008

PRISON BREAKS CAPACITY?

The "Prisoners Rights Infringement Could Kill Society" were yesterday outraged to learn that in one particular Doncaster prison, overcrowding has become a problem with 200 more prisoners than the Prison can handle. Demanding to know what the authorities are going to do about this and how they could let this happen, Steve Robertson, Warden, 36 replied "We don't really see it as that big a deal. We've had no complaints from the prisoners and to offset the problem, those 200 extra prisoners are allowed to go to sleep every night on the piss. This is not a privilidge that many prisoners have had before. If the situation becomes more condensed, we may let more get shit faced every night too but we are looking to reduce the population as soon as we can". Somewhat less aggrieved by this they seem to have let the issue drop for now but are keeping an eye on it. Wanting a better insight into the situation we interviewed Peter Carlton, Inmate, 36 about it.

R: Complained? The warden said they'd received no complaints from the prisoners.
PC: F*****g pigs all the same. We don get no good night's sleep.
R: Well to be fair, the experts do say that you can't get a good night's sleep when you're on the piss.
PC: Are you trying to be funny? Think this is a f*****g joke?
R: I'm sorry, I'm not joking around here. Are you tryin' to say the wardens in fact don't give you alcohol?
PC: Alcohol? The f***s are making us sleep on f******g toilets.