Con Man Has A Cold

A scientist, Dr Steve Gasson, was in court this week for excessive harassment and defrauding of the public by selling bogus cures for colds and viruses. He would randomly stop people in the street and claim they are infected and perform a 'scan' on them that would indicate they are suffering from 12 varieties of viruses then sell them a cure. Having made thousands of pounds from his scam, the police finally caught up with him last month and this week saw the start of his trial. During his defence, Dr Gasson claims to have been working on high-end radio frequency identification implant chips like the one he has implanted in his palm. He says "chips like these have got to the point where they are essentially mini computers, and like most computers, they are susceptible to spyware and viruses. The chip I've implanted inside myself must have had a virus which I have caught and has manifested itself in these 'pop-ups' over which I have no control." He went on to explain " The very nature of a virus means that they change and it has obviously adapted itself to the human physiology so instead of having the on screen pop-ups you get on a regular computer, we now have this uncontrollable tourettes-like situation where these adverts 'pop-up' through control over my motor functions and speech". Calling a fellow scientist as a witness, he went on to say "that they are currently updating their definitions and hope to have quarantined the virus any day now". During his closing argument, he was heard to have said "....as you can see, I am clearly a victim here of an increasing computer vir..... a scan has detected 13 viruses within your system. For a minimal fee of just twenty five pounds, I can cleanse your system. Please ask for more details.". A verdict has yet to have been reached.

Reporter: G Drury
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