INMATE PRISON SCAMS
Inmates of Highpoint Jail in Suffolk have hit upon a money-making scheme that has bagged them £100 each. One inmate would start a fire in his cell and help to spread the fire through other cells. They would then wait for compensation. Although this seems a foolhardy attempt at gaining money, it actually worked. The fire started on April 4th and inmates were moved to safety while officers battled the blaze. When firefighters arrived, it took them 90 minutes to bring the blaze under control. The local Prison Officers Associattion are furious that the officers are receiving nothing while the inmates get rewarded. The Prison Service yesterday defended it's compensations by claiming the inmates were inconvenienced and the compensation covers damaged property. The officers received nothing because they didn't have any property damaged during the fire. Steve, inmate #36421, was overheard telling me that "this should put us on for a while. I can buy a decent supply of cigs for this. We may not need to start another fire for a couple of months now".
Reporter: G. Drury.
WENGER WAX
A terrible mix up has occurred at Madam Tussauds in London. The Arsenal manager Arsene Wengre wax work was taken home by the club instead of the Frenchman when he was showing it to the press. The wax work has now been managing the club for the last three months. Assistant manger Pat Rice stated that the team seemed to respond better over the last few months to the managers words of wisdom. The wax work which won the manger of the Month in February is now been linked to major clubs across Europe.
Reported by: M. Gosling
WORLD NEWS
It was exclusively revealed that Germany invaded Poland earlier this month as a April Fool. The German Chancellor stated that it was time Europe dropped that feeling that Germans had no sense of humour. A single German soldier then went over to France walked through Paris where the French government immediately surrendered.
Reporter: M. Gosling
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Monday, December 19, 2005
19th December 2005
RAINBOW OUT
Reporter: M. Gosling
Former Rainbow presenter Bungle Bugs announced to the world yesterday that he is Gay. The presenter who is currently working on a ADULT DVD with Rod, Jane and Freddie called "Rodding Jane & Freddie" made the announcement on a local radio station program. It comes in a long line of shock revelations about the former cast of the hit children's series. Zippy is now a recovering alcoholic and George is set for a colour change operation. Meanwhile since Geoffrey's London play titled "Silly Billy" got poor reviews from critics the Rainbow front man is now set to play the Mitchell's 'other' brother in East Enders
MOSES V's SANTA
Reporter: M. Gosling
Father Christmas today announced that he is to take on Moses in ITV1 celebrity Wrestling. Clause is angry over the Fact that Moses looks like him. Santa states that he was the first to have white hair, a beard and a red gown. He went on to sate that he does not believe in the story of Moses and its based on total fiction. Santa did try suing the holder of the ten commandments however Lapland law prevents him from doing so. Moses who accepted the offer declined to comment, his lawyer stated that he is currently working on his next book "the next 10 commandments".
RACISM AT SCHOOL SHOCKER
Reporter: G. Drury
Giti Boland, 48, working as a French Teacher at Englands only State Boarding School who is notoriously lazy was expected to do many things as part of her job that she simply did not want to do. Besides being un-reasonably asked to produce her qualifications for the post and being asked to take French oral tests, the school head unreasonably asked her to stack some chairs. Steve, the school janitor said " I can't beleive they would tell someone that lazy to stack some chairs. It's outrageous. Someone should take someone to court." After having several other cases thrown out of court where she claimed excessive lazyness, Mrs Boland tried a different tact this time round and has filed claims of unfair treatment and racism worth £180,000. A juror, Steve, overheard Mrs Boland saying - "There has been a nuance of racism" The trial continues.
Reporter: M. Gosling
Former Rainbow presenter Bungle Bugs announced to the world yesterday that he is Gay. The presenter who is currently working on a ADULT DVD with Rod, Jane and Freddie called "Rodding Jane & Freddie" made the announcement on a local radio station program. It comes in a long line of shock revelations about the former cast of the hit children's series. Zippy is now a recovering alcoholic and George is set for a colour change operation. Meanwhile since Geoffrey's London play titled "Silly Billy" got poor reviews from critics the Rainbow front man is now set to play the Mitchell's 'other' brother in East Enders
MOSES V's SANTA
Reporter: M. Gosling
Father Christmas today announced that he is to take on Moses in ITV1 celebrity Wrestling. Clause is angry over the Fact that Moses looks like him. Santa states that he was the first to have white hair, a beard and a red gown. He went on to sate that he does not believe in the story of Moses and its based on total fiction. Santa did try suing the holder of the ten commandments however Lapland law prevents him from doing so. Moses who accepted the offer declined to comment, his lawyer stated that he is currently working on his next book "the next 10 commandments".
RACISM AT SCHOOL SHOCKER
Reporter: G. Drury
Giti Boland, 48, working as a French Teacher at Englands only State Boarding School who is notoriously lazy was expected to do many things as part of her job that she simply did not want to do. Besides being un-reasonably asked to produce her qualifications for the post and being asked to take French oral tests, the school head unreasonably asked her to stack some chairs. Steve, the school janitor said " I can't beleive they would tell someone that lazy to stack some chairs. It's outrageous. Someone should take someone to court." After having several other cases thrown out of court where she claimed excessive lazyness, Mrs Boland tried a different tact this time round and has filed claims of unfair treatment and racism worth £180,000. A juror, Steve, overheard Mrs Boland saying - "There has been a nuance of racism" The trial continues.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
14th December 2005
One of my first ever entries of T.W.A.T.S. that never made publication:-
GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACIES
It appears as though there are certain people out there that do not want to see T.W.A.T.S. published. They would rather the truth not get out about certain things. The Government, with it's control of the media couldn't allow a unofficial, uncontrolled news source to circulate, telling the world what is really happening and not just what the Government allows you to think is hapening. The first issue was due to be published about 2000hrs on Sunday night but the powers that be stepped in to put an end to that. Some sort of "bomb" was sent through my broadband connection at around 1930hrs which casued my computer to restart several times in quick succession and now will not re-start at all leaving the first issue unaccesable. As soon as my P.C is repaired, I can garentee i will be bringing this to the world. No Government can stop me.
GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACIES
It appears as though there are certain people out there that do not want to see T.W.A.T.S. published. They would rather the truth not get out about certain things. The Government, with it's control of the media couldn't allow a unofficial, uncontrolled news source to circulate, telling the world what is really happening and not just what the Government allows you to think is hapening. The first issue was due to be published about 2000hrs on Sunday night but the powers that be stepped in to put an end to that. Some sort of "bomb" was sent through my broadband connection at around 1930hrs which casued my computer to restart several times in quick succession and now will not re-start at all leaving the first issue unaccesable. As soon as my P.C is repaired, I can garentee i will be bringing this to the world. No Government can stop me.
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