27th December 2005

INMATE PRISON SCAMS

Inmates of Highpoint Jail in Suffolk have hit upon a money-making scheme that has bagged them £100 each. One inmate would start a fire in his cell and help to spread the fire through other cells. They would then wait for compensation. Although this seems a foolhardy attempt at gaining money, it actually worked. The fire started on April 4th and inmates were moved to safety while officers battled the blaze. When firefighters arrived, it took them 90 minutes to bring the blaze under control. The local Prison Officers Associattion are furious that the officers are receiving nothing while the inmates get rewarded. The Prison Service yesterday defended it's compensations by claiming the inmates were inconvenienced and the compensation covers damaged property. The officers received nothing because they didn't have any property damaged during the fire. Steve, inmate #36421, was overheard telling me that "this should put us on for a while. I can buy a decent supply of cigs for this. We may not need to start another fire for a couple of months now".
Reporter: G. Drury.

WENGER WAX

A terrible mix up has occurred at Madam Tussauds in London. The Arsenal manager Arsene Wengre wax work was taken home by the club instead of the Frenchman when he was showing it to the press. The wax work has now been managing the club for the last three months. Assistant manger Pat Rice stated that the team seemed to respond better over the last few months to the managers words of wisdom. The wax work which won the manger of the Month in February is now been linked to major clubs across Europe.
Reported by: M. Gosling


WORLD NEWS

It was exclusively revealed that Germany invaded Poland earlier this month as a April Fool. The German Chancellor stated that it was time Europe dropped that feeling that Germans had no sense of humour. A single German soldier then went over to France walked through Paris where the French government immediately surrendered.
Reporter: M. Gosling