5th January 2006

FROM THE LOST ARCHIVES

Here's a special interview with little-known Buffy/Angel/Firefly writer/producer/director (and Joss Whedon confidante), David "Boom Boom" Stanley.
(Source: SFX Magazine Nov 2005)

1. How are you? So very sleepy. I've been up all night with Joss making a Wonder Woman costume. He says he wants to "save the company money".
2. Where are you right now? In Joss' garage. Dressed as Wonder Woman. Joss is making me do action poses and taking pictures. Sometimes I hate my job.
3. What are you doing for the rest of today? I have to meet Steven S. DeKnight to discuss why Dawn was a bad idea and hypothesize how to write her out of history.
4. What's your favorite British show? Me and Jeffrey Bell are currently working on an English version of Sealab 2021. If it happens that will be my favorite show.
5. What's your favorite British swear word? C**t. It's horrible when Americans say it, but oddly endearing with a British accent. "C**t!". See?
6. Are you running out of ambitions? There are many things I want to do yet. Like re-write the Star Wars prequels, star in my own solo West End show and invent a new type of food. So, no.
7. Which is your favorite Western? Is that a trick question?.
8. Which is your favorite science fiction movie? Dude, where's my Car?
9. Which is your favorite musical? Mary Poppins. I still chimney sweep on the side because of that movie.
10. Who is your favorite James Bond? Me. And Moore.
11. Who is your favorite Doctor Who? Baker. And me.
12. Who's your favorite other person called David? Boreanaz. I sometimes pretend he's my dad.
13. When were you drunk last? I'm drunk now. And always will be.
14. Superman or Spiderman? Spidey. Supes is a prick.
15. Beatles or Stones? Beatles.
16. Will there be any more of Buffy? Joss wants to do some, but me and Steven S. DeKnight won't let him until he rectifies his Dawn mistake.
17. Will there be any more of Angel? There should have been a sixth season, but Joss wanted to bring over Dawn, so me and Steven S. DeKnight locked him in his cellar and told the network we wouldn't be doing any more.
18. Will there be any more of Firefly? We actually filmed 10 more episodes, but Joss didn't like the new character I introduced (played by me) so he scrapped them. The git. He was a good character too. His name was Chad and he had some rather interesting questions for Book...
19. Who did you take to the prom? Billie Piper. Then I remembered we don't have proms in England so me and Billie just sat in the empty sports hall drinking tea.
20. Are you spreading yourself too thinly, and is this a good thing? Yes, no, maybe. What?
21. What's your favorite biological function? Peeing is very inconvenient and you have to do it too much. But who doesn't love a good crap? I once went seven times in one day... (Aren’t you glad real life doesn't have flashbacks?)
22. Who is your hero? The Granddad from "Bread".
23. What would you do if all your shows ended tomorrow? Phone Joss and ask him what I should do with my life now. Then phone Steven S. DeKnight.
24. Which show do you enjoy writing the most? I wrote an episode of Golden Girls once, which I really enjoyed. It got axed. Apparently, they didn't like my new character (which I played). His name was Chad and he had questions for Bea...
25. Which show do you enjoy directing the most? See above.
26. Which actor gives you the most backtalk? Glenn Quinn. Well, he did until I accidentally...er, never mind.
27. Which writer never agrees with you? Joss. That's why his shows keep getting cancelled.
28. Which movie would you loved to have written? Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
29. Which movie do you regret having any involvement in? Alien Resurrection.
30. How many hours of sleep do you get at night? 12-15
31. What's the most irritating question someone has have ever asked you? When did you last see Glenn Quinn, sir?
32. Which book would you recommend everybody should read? The Marvel Superhero Omnibus 1986.
33. Who is the most overlooked person on television? Me.
34. Who should be the most overlooked person on television? Joss Whedon.
35. Kirk or Picard? Picard. Kirk was a reckless idiot who kept endangering his crew. And he fancied Spock. And he was played by William Shatner. Case closed.
36. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you be? In Jennifer Love Hewitt’s wardrobe.
37. Has anyone ever come up to you and said "I loved you in The Shawshank Redemption?" Yes.
38. What's the worst part of making a television show? Cleaning Joss' shoes every morning.
39. And what's the best? Paper fights with Steven S. DeKnight.
40. What's the worst line of dialogue you've ever written? According to Joss it's, "Hello, my name is Chad (pause) and I have questions for you, "Book"..."
41. And what's the best? Wash: "It's simple, Mal. These three switches mean (Flicking them as he goes) Ready..set...GO!" (It was cut)
42. Is the character of Wash in Firefly based on you? Yes.
43. Would you do Faith the Vampire Slayer if Eliza Dushku would commit to it? Absolutely. But Joss won't let me. He's still angry about that sex scene I wrote for her in Buffy involving Faith, Buffy and Chad (Played by me). It was cut. Besides, Eliza refuses to work with me after my "muff" remark last year. I can't talk about it for legal reasons.
44. Does it worry you that Spike is such a popular character--he's evil! So am I.
45. If you could do a crossover episode of Buffy, Angel, or Firefly with any other show, what would it be? Sealab. The English version.
46. What do you think of fan fiction: flattering or embarrassing? A bit of both. Like my work (according to Joss)
47. For budgetary reasons, you have to do a "clip" episode of Angel. How would you make it different from the norm? It would only be the clips of Wesley falling over.
48. What was your nickname in school? "Odd shoes"
49. If they did Buffy Big Brother, who would win? Chad
50. Is Hamlet mad? How the f**k should I know?
51. Do you see the influence of Buffy on other shows (i.e., Smallville)? Not Buffy's influence - Mine
52. Can I show you my script? No. If Joss doesn't look at mine, I won't look at yours. (Wow. THIS is what power feels like)
53. Who are the best people to hang out with--actors, writers, producers,
or directors? I do all three and nobody hangs with me (Apart from Steven S. DeKnight, but he doesn't count)
54. How good are you in a fight? I once made Steven S. DeKnight cry by flicking his eyes. Does that answer your question?
55. How many times have you been asked if you believe in vampires? 125. I always say yes before running off screaming, “The sun! It burns! IT BURNS!!”
56. What's the best dessert in the world? Sahara
57. Can you tell us a joke? Don petrie.
58. Do you feel Saddam Hussein might become a better person if he watched Buffy? He’s already a big fan. In fact, he asked if he could do a cameo once and we said yes. He’s the singing demon in “Once More…With Feeling”.
59. What's the record that changed your life? Most people in a Mini.
60. When was the last time you felt wide awake? 1982
61. What's the best time of day. Just before Dawn. Just like my favorite Buffy episodes,
62. Did you have any input in the very last episode of Buffy? Joss asked me what would make the last episode memorable. I thought about it and then said, “Batman!”. He stifled some laughter and then left the room with tears rolling down his cheeks.
63. Given a choice, would you be a vampire and live forever? I’m already going to live forever. I’m an immortal. The film Highlander was based on me.
64. When Angel started, were any of the characters going to end up on Angel other than Cordy and Wesley? I proposed to Joss that we take Buffy’s mom over to be Angel’s new love interest. He threw his coffee over me. He has now done it every morning since to “discipline my mind”.
65. Do you think that the series would stand more chance at the Emmys with a different name? Yes. “Faith the Vampire Slayer”. Or “Chad – The Alcohol Years”
66. What scares you? My talent.
67. How did you vote in the last election? I went into a little booth and put a cross next to some guys name.
68. Are you afraid of Virginia Woolf? Should I be? Do I owe her money?
69. Which was your favorite Golden Girl character? Chad.
70. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It was shit.
71. What story will you never tell on Buffy, Angel, or Firefly? Anything to do with poofs.
72. What are your pets called? Spike, Faith, Steven S. DeKnight and Chad.
73. How long will we have to wait for Ripper? Me and Steven S. DeKnight have already outlined a plot for the pilot. It revolves around Giles trying to find the ghost of Richard Whiteley. Joss as yet to give it the green light.
74. Do you believe in God? Every time I look in the mirror.
75. Would John Wayne have been out of place in Firefly? If episode 16 had been made, that question would have been answered.
76. Have you played the Buffy computer game? No. Everyone knows it’s shit.
77. How big is your television? I don’t have one. Steven S. DeKnight decided that we should throw out our TVs to escape the influence of the “Network poison” as this would help us come up with truly original ideas. He has since written three episodes of a show about devil robots and I have spent four months writing a movie called “Chad Begins”. So it’s clearly worked a treat!
78. Have you ever broken the law? Only when I accidentally killed Gle…no.
79. Which car do you drive? Mine.
80. Were you at Sarah Michelle Gellar's wedding? Yes. Me and Steven S. DeKnight went dressed as Shaggy and Scooby Doo. We weren’t popular.
81. Would you eat at Doublemeat Palace? Are you questioning my sexuality?
82. Has anyone ever mentioned that the Serenity looks a bit like a plucked parrot? I designed the ship after accidentally walking in on Joss in the shower.
83. Which is your favorite member of The Magnificent Seven? Bashful.
84. Which show does your wife prefer, Buffy, Angel, or Firefly? Or won't she tell you? I wish people would stop calling Steven S. DeKnight my wife.
85. Which show on U.S. TV at the moment do you love ... other than your own? Seeing as I don’t have a TV, I don’t have any favorite shows. Me and Steven S. DeKnight entertain ourselves by looking out of the window and doing the voices for people who walk past.
86. Who let the dogs out? I honestly don’t know what some of these questions mean.
87. How many series do you think you could run at once without exploding? We actually had a meeting about this once. Joss concluded that he could do no more than two, so me and Steven S. DeKnight laughed and called him a sissy. He slapped us both and fined us our clothes.
88. Can you speak Chinese? I fail to see the point unless I plan to go to China. Which I won’t. Cos it’s shit.
89. Can you ride a horse? Are you asking me, or in general? If it’s the latter then yes. If the former then no.
90. If you could write a song for any artist, who would you choose? I have just wrote a few songs for the new Katie Melua album. It took me ages to count those f**king bicycles.
91. Would YOU have survived Sunnydale High? Yes. I would have wrote myself as the hero.
92. What's the thing you're proudest of in this world? A jacket I got from Matalan.
93. What makes you happy? Cocaine
94. What makes you sad? The Matrix.
95. Do you find Benny Hill funny? Yes. I often walked very quickly, singing the theme tune, on the set of Angel. Sometimes during takes. David Boreanaz thought it was hilarious. I walked into a door once while doing it and he pissed himself laughing.
96. Who put the bob in the bob sh-bop? What the fuck are you on about?
97. Having worked in America, can you justify Twinkies to everyone in the UK? No. It’s like us justifying Jeremy Irons.
98. SFX is 100 issues old. Where do you want to be when you're 100? Dancing on Joss’ grave while holding an Oscar in each hand. Or Blackpool.
99. Does the Internet ever scare you? Only when I type “Sweaty Joss” into google.
100. Are you pleased this questionnaire is over? No. It’s the most work I’ve done in five years.