2nd April - 8th April

SHOWBIZ


There was trouble in the air Monday night as the celebrity couple of the minute looked to be in danger of ending. Nicola was set to ring Jamie during the night but when no phone call was forthcoming, Jamie rang her several times to no avail. It was then that Gavin decided to ring her also to see if he could catch her but yet again no answer was forthcoming. It wasn't until a couple of minutes later when the trouble started as Nicola rang Gavin back to see who it was a she didn't have his number. Upon finding out that it was, she asked to be put through to Jamie who wasn't impressed that she got back to Gavin before her boyfriend. Nothing serious came of it however and this looks like it could be Jamie’s longest relationship yet.

ROYAL AFFAIRS


Although at a memorial service for the Pope yesterday, Prince Charles could not get this Saturday’s event out of his mind. It is a time he does not look forward to every year. Grand National Day. You see, his partner Camilla loves to go to the biggest day in the Horse Racing Calendar every year and every year Charles loses her and ends up talking to one of the runners he mistakes for his partner. He is very embarrassed about this and is always looking for new ways to cancel this trip. This year, he has found the perfect solution. His wedding day was scheduled for the upcoming Friday but as he attended the memorial service in London he realized the Official service was on the very same Friday. He realized he could cancel the Wedding under the pretense of going to Rome and put the wedding back a day and overlapping the Grand National - Problem solved.
The world’s foremost astrologer - Justin Toper - has looked into the stars to see what the future holds for this couple. He said "They may be happy".


WORLD NEWS


Jason Francia, who gave his testimony in the Michael Jackson case on Wednesday, is at the subject of an investigation into the behavior of two of the Jurors. The two Jurors are alleged to have been heard laughing at him during a break in proceedings. They were overheard by two "sources" (read - we made this bit up) who claim they were laughing and joking about Jason Francia who alleges he was abused as a child. They are reported to have said things like "boo hoo, he got touched by Michael Jackson. Boo hoo" A spokesperson for Jason said "I can't believe the insensitive comments they were spouting. He suffered terribly as a child for this and we're not going to let Michael Jackson get away with it. We can let him off for throwing Jason in the air and catching him, We can look past him swinging Jason by his arms, Ruffling his hair up is also excusable, but when he tickled Jason, that was the last straw".

SPORT


In a bid to keep a player he highly regards, Ashley Cole, Wenger hatched a plan to keep him and ward of interest from other clubs. He decided that whilst on the world stage, being watched by millions, he would convince Cole to play crap. And what a good actor Cole is because I certainly believed it. As a reward for this, Wenger has offered him a brand new contract to show his appreciation. He is to receive about £70,000 a week, almost double what he is currently receiving.