FORMER WWE WRESTLER EXPLODES

16th April - 22nd April

Reporter: D. Stanley
Former WWE wrestler Scott Steiner exploded yesterday in a crowded gym. The ex-WCW champion was said to be attempting to benchpress 4000lbs at the time of his death, and experts have attributed this to the cause of his demise. "The pressure on the muscles would have been impossible to imagine," said professor Hopkins from the Muscle and Eyes deptartment of Cambridge University, "and it obviouslly caused his entire organic structure to suddenly explode".

Tributes have since been pouring in since Steiner's death. The Undertaker, Mark Calloway, said, "He was a shit wrestler, but a great man". Shawn Michaels, HBK, stated that he, "Loved him like a retarded sister", and former Intercontinental Champion, The Honky Tonk Man said, "I won a bet with him once and when he couldn't pay up I made him shag a chicken. Top bloke".

When asked if a special tribute would be made on Raw or Smackdown, Vince Mcmahon replied, "Who?".