TOM O'GONNER?

16th April - 22nd April

Reporter: D. Stanley
The comedian Tom O’ Connor has been killed after a fight with fellow star Des O’ Connor. The scuffle broke out in a London Macdonald’s restaurant after Des claimed to have adopted the surname first. Des, 78, and Tom, 123, both gave themselves the last name when they started their careers in the 1920’s, and a feud immediately began between the pair. They put their differences to one side, however, during the war effort, and had remained good friends up until last night’s fight. A witness said, “Tom just suddenly went ape-s**t and started laying into poor old Des, who tried to defend himself by holding up his new-born baby”. Des soon retaliated, though, and soon a full-blown fist-fight had erupted. Tom is said to have died from “Repeated blows to the funny-bone” and will be buried on Saturday. Des will not attend. The Police are considering arresting him, “When they have time”.